d.i.s.t.r.i.b.u.t.e.d. soul

Playing House

When I was small,my sister, our childhood friend and I would make tents out of old sarees and play house.Coconut shells were our vessels and I specifically remember the curry we made out of tiny star-shaped magenta colored flowers.We would serve it on leaves equally and pretend to be good kids and eat well.

While he moved on to boyish interests of bikes and cricket,my sister and I graduated to more intricate tiny cutlery and Barbie dollhouses.

And then,we all grew up.

Working double digit hours a day,juggling a full time job and two highly demanding projects kills you.Literally.Day after day,eyes pasted to the computer screen…I don’t even realize when the week is over.Yet,with tremendous zest we finish every single task.Laundry.Handling the maid.Cleaning the house.Ironing.Paying bills in time.Making sure no lizards and rats enter.And,we actually manage to do more.Elaborate cooking experiments including North Indian paranthas,Goan fish,Thai veggies,Marathi chapatis,Lebanese eggplant,Italian pasta,American salads,English breakfasts and making our own Wine from scratch.And,entertaining guests.When you have a richly enthusiastic female roommate,these kind of things get twice the impetus! Hell yeah!!

Today,as we sat experimenting with our very Bambaiyya pani puri,savoring the freshly made kairi-mint and tamarind-date flavors,even throwing in home-made pasta sauce and mayonnaise and vodka in it,trotting down to buy more puris late at night just so we could have another plate,I wondered were all this energy came from.For the first time,I saw what people meant when they asked “How the hell do you manage it all?!”

“Its a different kind of relaxation,actually,”said my roomie.Aptly put.

None of them seem to be chores anymore.Well,mostly anyway.Doing them makes me feel complete.At peace.More than anything else,happy.Like art.Like work—-the good kind.

Perhaps because playing house is inbibed in the X chromosome.

Perhaps, because some games never get old.

Oh,well.

I don’t like him.One single bit.

But,I do love him.

Salient Learnings

Its not that I am brave,I have just realised that in all probability, the person in front of me is just as scared as I am,if not more.

The perfect date

Twelve hours of work does not make me look prettier.A fresh coat of lip-gloss only seems rather ridiculous on a tired face devoid of make-up.And,the messy hair doesn’t help either.But,for a strange reason you don’t seem to mind.

As I sink into my seat I watch your tired eyes.You have been just as freakishly busy.We don’t feel the need to talk right away.Real words take so much effort,no?

Nevertheless,with great enthusiasm we order the fanciest Margaritas on the menu.We love our alcohol :) You hate American cuisine.Very fitting,coz its one of my comfort foods.The number of things we have in common would probably still be a single digit.How does that matter,though…isn’t the sheer strangeness that we are fascinated by?

I tell you about the meeting with those doctors today.How business with physicians is an amazing learning experience. How the moss is developing.How the tiny mosslets make me happy.You tell me your take on the projects.You are the pragmatic one between us and I love listening to your assuring intellect.I ask you if that icky knot at work has been resolved.”Mostly,”you say. I can tell you are relieved.But I also know you’ll only talk about it,if atall,after several days.And, that’s fine.

As the Margaritas are sipped on, we seem to shake out of our over-worked dazed selves.Random talk.I love the way you make me laugh.And you continue to enjoy being puzzled by me.This should technically count as foreplay.But we aren’t interested in technicalities.We are laughing at our wild pasts.We know that judgement and understanding go hand in hand.We aren’t afraid of eachother’s goals,no matter how big or how dumb they are.We share a sense of respect for such things as dreams.We are jealous of the hot chick you broke up with and the amazing dude I last dated.But,only a little.We bitch about the shallowness and rut in the world.And, laugh at our own hypocrisy.

We lose track of time and Margaritas.There’s so much to tell!So much to hear! And it seemed like,today,someone magically unbolted that switch and suddenly,talking felt easy.As I sipped the last sip,you whispered,”That’s enough alcohol for the day.” I was so sweeped off by the tenderness that it didn’t occur to me to be angry or offended.I do know,though, that you didn’t take my smile as submission.

We paid.Two separate checks,ofcourse.But,you drove me home.That tinge of chivalry charms me.It’s like,you get me.Almost the same way I get you.Which is why sex seems to be a natural consequence,not a pursuit.

Like,this whole struggle of figuring stuff out,of getting there,of growing up,of living life—-it seems beautiful with you around!

Well,none of this happened tonight.Because,I haven’t found you yet.But I believe, that some day I will.And then we’ll go get those Margaritas,I promise you.

In reality,I was slumped at a cozy table for two with my book after a long,tiring week.Thinking over how fun this first year in my professional life has been.Unexpectedly and transiently,at peace.To be very honest,although it was only my feet that occupied the seat across me,in its own imperfect way,it was a perfect date!

:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

Watched moss never grows.

The Victor

If you think you are beaten, you are.

If you think you dare not, you don’t.

If you like to win but think you can’t,

It’s almost a cinch you won’t.

If you think you’ll lose, you’re lost.

For out in the world we find

Success begins with a fellow’s will.

It’s all in the state of mind.

If you think you are out classed, you are.

You’ve got to think high to rise.

You’ve got to be sure of your-self before

You can ever win the prize.

Life’s battles don’t always go

To the stronger or faster man.

But sooner or later, the man who wins

Is the man who thinks he can

- C. W. Longenecker

ThumbRule

If I wake up in the morning with a feeling that its absolutely impossible to have a clean slate even for a moment in my imagination,I know something is amiss.

In case you were wondering…

We all go through beautiful experiences we don’t breathe  a word about :)

http://goodnightgoodmorningthefilm.com/

Paycheck

There’s a reason why they hired you.

If it was fun,they would have done it themselves.

p.s. -  Firing someone is as icky as being fired. Sigh!