Snakes and Ladders
“Do you wanna play Snakes and Ladders?”
I looked up from my computer screen with a lot of effort. “Uh…maybe after I am done with this report..Besides,I don’t even remember how to play.”
“Okay.”
As I went back to the business document I was poring over,I couldn’t help wondering at his enthusiasm and disappointment.I mean,it was just a game of Snakes and Ladders,after all! Big deal.I brushed the thought aside.
Bank account. Laundry.Down-payment of the house.Job training.Research.Product design.Credit card forms.Painting nails.That meeting.And the other meeting. Family.Ironing clothes.Writing.Another meeting.Project. Mail.Men.Assignments. Letters.Work.Deadlines. Home.Salary.Internet connection. Bills.Friends.Savings.More deadlines.
I could do without a stupid game of Snake and Ladders.
Focus,focus,focus.
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Another long day.Another 12 hours of toiling.Another stretch of staring at the computer.As I entered the house,all I wanted to do was dissolve into a lazy free-flowing fluid.
“Come plaayyy Snaakkeess and Laddeerrrsss with us!!!” Her voice as bubbly as a fountain spring and his face as innocent as an angel.”Cool,I’ll join,” I heard me say.I barely had the energy to feel surprised at myself.
As she rolled the die,her cherubic laughter tinkling in my ears,I realized I hadn’t played the game in about 20 years.Wow!
Five minutes later I was giggling when someone slid down the snake and wheeee-ing when I shot up the ladder,crossing my fingers to not land that 3 which would take me right on the snake’s mouth.
“That’s what happens when you cheat!!You slide down a longer snake in the next turn!” ”It’s okay,there’s as many ladders as are snakes…don’t be sad!” “When I roll the dice with all my concentration,it never gives me more than a 1…hmph!” “Lemme get a 4,please please,I hope it’s a 4….come one,dice…BAAHH 6!!But I was doing so wellll!!! mammmaaaa…” “Don’t worry,I have a feeling your next roll is going to be perfect.You’ll shoot up that long ladder,I’m telling you!” “You can’t win that easily…I hope that snake gets you…HAHAHA!! There!!! Down you go!” “Hmph..oh wait no,we counted wrong,I got this ladder yooohoooo!!!!”
It took me a while to realize it.And as it dawned to me,I smiled.Ever so slowly.It was right there.My entire life.Laid out on the board.Incredibly fun ladders.Ugly,scary snakes.Fun colored squares.Bold numbers.Brightly colored pawns.Crisp dice.It was right there,all of it.
“Do you believe in fate?,” he’d always ask me.My answer never changed.
As I rolled the dice,I felt it’s smooth texture on my skin.I looked at my hand and its careful,gentle motion.5.Down the snake you go!
Fate?What fate?It was my hand.It was my muscles.My nerves.My skin.My blood.My flesh.We are a stubborn lot,us determinists.
I stared at the board,thinking of all the recent jazz.For a while now,I have been confused about something I couldn’t pin point at.One of those phases where nothing seems to work—-in the bigger picture,anyway.Like I had lost my way.Like I’d never be in control again.But,amidst all the kiddish laughter and chatter,it seemed so simple and straightforward.
I was rolling my dice and stepping and climbing and trotting and sliding and jumping.I was playing,I was playing hard.But I wasn’t enjoying my snakes and ladders.
I felt lost because I was missing the whole point!
When my turn came,I rolled the dice with puerile felicity.This time,the number didn’t quite matter.
